“My new rule: Whenever things go wrong, wait and see what better thing is coming. ”
I had a crazy March. Probably the busiest month of my life so far. And with it, a complete rollercoaster of emotions.
I was out of town 3 weekends in a row for my brother’s playoff hockey games. One week I was only in Nashville for 2 of the 7 days (my boss wasn’t happy, but understanding, and thankfully my clients are flexible). It took a toll on my wallet and my body, but I loved every minute of it; I got to see him win 4 playoff games, hoist the Conference trophy, and upset the top seed in the NCAA National Tournament.
And then came a heart-breaking 2-1 loss in the Elite 8 to the eventual National Champion. I cried. I remembered what it felt like at the end of my college soccer career. I remembered how an entire lifetime of work and passion came to a sudden end. I knew how he was feeling, and I felt it too. I relived it. That was the last time I would ever watch my little brother play the sport that he loves. Watching him play was one of the greatest joys of my life. So many incredible memories.
Sometimes I think I cared more about his career than I did my own. I just LOVE watching him play. He’s my little brother and I always want the BEST for him. God has given him so much talent, such an amazing work ethic, and some of the most amazing opportunities that we have never could have even dreamed of when we were growing up.
Sports are a great analogy for life: you win some big games, you lose some too. You can’t win ‘em all. But you can sure try.
It’s the trying that is actually the most rewarding; the work you put in to accomplish the goal. It ends up being more important than winning. The friendships you make, the challenges you overcome, the way you grow, develop, and get better every day.
Hockey is now over for Phil, but the best is yet to come. It was an incredible career and I am so PROUD of him. This Spring he will graduate from the Air Force Academy, then get married and head off to Pilot Training. His story reminds me that though one good thing ends, there are many more great things to come.
“I am confident in this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it out to completion.”
In my life, the months before all of this happened had been full of ups and downs. Hills and valleys. That’s just how life works. It’s never smooth sailing. You are either sailing into a storm, in the midst of one, or sailing out of one, as the old Proverb says.
I love my life. SO MUCH. Nashville has been better to me than I could have ever imagined, and I’ve only been here 3 years. It was the best decision of my life and I’m grateful every day to be in this amazing city full of amazing people. I have an amazing job. I get to live out my calling and my passion each day and help others live a better life. It truly is a dream job.
But I still constantly feel like I am not where I want to be in my life; professionally, relationally, spiritually. I always want to be better, to do more with what I’m given, and to have everything I’ve ever wanted. I know my patterns, and I know that there are two areas I feel the most discontent and let it get the best of me: in my career and in my search for a wife – to build a life and find someone to spend it with. I did this recently.
I see potential in someone or something. I get high hopes and expectations. I start to dream of the future and all that it could bring. I start to get ideas in my head that I want to be from God, but are sometimes more of my selfish desires than ones that bring Him glory.
And then it doesn’t work out. And I am BROKEN. I wonder why things didn’t pan out the way I thought they would. What I could have done better. How I could have been better. What this means for my future. If things will ever work out the way I want them to; if I will ever attain the hopes and dreams and the vision I see.
I often say that God breaks me to teach me. I know this to be true. I wish I didn’t have to learn that way, but pain seems to be my best teacher. I can tell you countless stories of His work in my life, that all started with something extremely painful. I am thankful for this pruning process, even though I hate it while it is happening.
“Ask the God who made you to keep remaking you.”
I am in Nashville today because of a whole lot of disappointments and failures. I can look back now and see so many painful memories that were shaping me into something better, that were leading me to somewhere greater.
I am only who I am today because of what He has done in me over many other days. The best thing about it all is that God is always faithful. His number one goal is to bring us to Him. And He will use any tool he needs to get us there. He relentlessly pursues us. He wants us to know Him, to heal our brokenness, to help us find our purpose and live our best life possible. This can only be found in Him.
When he breaks me, when things don’t go as planned, when he takes something away; there are 3 things that I have learned I must ALWAYS DO.
Reflect. Recharge. Recalibrate.
Reflect: Evaluate my actions and inactions, thoughts and emotions. Seek wise counsel from those I trust. Pray that God will give me clarity, discernment, and direction.
Often this opens my eyes to see the ways in which I have fallen away from Him, and that I must come back to the Vine and let it nourish me and flow through me once again. I need to check my motives and check my attitude.
I must choose to learn and grow from both successes and failures. I remind myself of my lifelong commitment to growth and continual development. My goal is to reach my full potential. To become my best self. To live life to the fullest. To do that I need to keep growing every day.
Recharge: Find activities that bring me joy and give me life. Get back into healthy routines. Take care of my body physically; it always helps mentally and emotionally. Watch a movie or read a book I love, go to a concert, draw, write, spend time with friends.
I take some time and space alone to gather my thoughts - I love to do this while exercising, but it could be taking a vacation or just spending a day alone in a place that brings me comfort.
Then I surround myself with good people who build me up and are headed in the direction I want to go.
Recalibrate: Figure out what’s next and where I want to go now. What do I need to do differently, and who might be able to help me do better this time? If I’m not sure, I trust my passions because I know that God uses them to guide us.
Pursue those passions. Make a plan and then take action. Start going in the right direction. Build momentum.
Expect to find success now that you have learned and grown from your experiences. Trust that God has brought this into your life to grow you and shape you, to make you better and lead you somewhere greater.
I ask myself this, “Are you going to spend your time and energy on what should have been, or are you going to focus on what can be?” (wise words spoken into me, not my own)
Once I reflect, recharge and recalibrate, I commit to persevering and staying the new course I have set. I trust that God is in everything that I do, and that if I seek Him and set God-centered goals, He will honor them in His time and in His way.
And if things don't go as planned, I repeat until they do.
“You write a beautiful story
Beginning to ending and in between.
All the while you keep saying trust that I am orchestrating everything for good.
All the while you keep saying trust that I am custom-making everything for good.
You work all things together for good
Like you said you would.”